The names in this article were changed to protect the identity of those involved in the program.
Three months ago, they were struggling with their children and needed help.
Rachel was frustrated trying to communicate with her autistic son. Denise had become a doormat for her five children. Hazel realized that spanking her daughter wasn't getting the eight-year-old to do better in school. Maria couldn't cope with her son's outbursts – the product she believes of never having known his father.
So they signed up for a 12-week parenting class at the North Ward Center Family Success Center in Newark. Their reasons for taking the class may seem very different, but they all pretty much were in the same predicament.
“They probably hit a brick wall and they weren't sure what to do,” said Karen Price, Family Education Coordinator for Family Intervention Services, the agency that runs the parenting classes. “They're all good parents. That's why they're here. They just needed something more.”
On the evening of Friday April 15, which was the last of their 12 sessions, the 13 families in the class participated in an informal graduation. Several of the attendees brought their spouses or significant partner, who spoke highly of the changes that they saw in the children and the parent who took the class. They also looked back on what they had learned and how it had helped them become better parents. None of them was proclaiming that their difficulties had been completely solved. They had seen too much of the realities of life to make any Pollyanna pronouncements. But now, at least, they had a better perspective on their situations.
“He's still out of control,” said Maria, referring to her 12-year-old son, Travis. “He still does what he wants to do. But I've learned how to deal with it better. I let him say what he has to say. I give him his space. I'm more affectionate with him.”
In fact, on the evening of the parenting class graduation, Travis had stormed out of his grandmother's North Newark apartment, insisting he would not attend unless he could bring his video game. Eventually, the mother and son came to an understanding and were on hand for the graduation. In fact, when the time came to discuss the family collages everyone had made, Travis was the only child in the class to volunteer to speak.
“My collage is about peace and love,” he said. “If we all love each other, we don’t have to fight.”
This was the 19th class to graduate from the “Effective Parenting Program” run by Family Intervention Services, Price said. Previous classes had been held at other social service agencies throughout Essex and Passaic Counties, she said. Over 200 parents have gone through the free program since it began in 2009, offering separate sessions for parents of teenagers, for those with children ages 5-12, and those with children younger than five. The classes have proven to be effective due the collaboration of FIS and the community based organization such a North Ward Center.
The first six weeks are informational, focusing on parenting topics like communication, discipline and problem-solving. The second six weeks are group sessions during which parents discuss issues that are troubling them. The agencies provide child care during the sessions as well as a meal for the families.
“They have to eat as a family unit,” said Price. “A lot of these parents weren't used to sitting down and eating with their children. To us, that's important.”
Adrianne Davis, the co-founder of The North Ward Center, said the classes are an important component of the services offered by the Center, which was founded by Stephen N. Adubato in 1970.
“Programs like this fit into our mission of serving the community with the highest quality programs,” Davis said. “It all starts with the family and builds from there.”
At Friday's final session, after the discussion of the collages, the staff distributed flower pots, soil and seeds to the families. Vanessa Bohler, project director for the Family Success Center at the North Ward Center on Mount Prospect Avenue, asked the families why they thought they were planting flowers.
“Your children are seeds,” Bohler told them. “They need to be nurtured. If you don't nurture them, what happens? They don't grow. That's what's wrong with our society. People plant seeds, but they don't nurture them.'”
After the families filled the pots with soil and planted the seeds, they decorated them on the outside. Bohler told them would that once the plants have grown they would be removed from the pot and planted on the grounds at the Family Success Center here the program is held. Also, they could come back and see the flowers that they and their classmates had planted.
Bohler also told the families that the North Ward Center Family Success Center would be hosting an ongoing parenting support group for them. The parents applauded that news. It was clear the program was important in their lives.
Rachel was overcome with tears discussing her families collage. Earlier in the evening, she discussed the changes she's made with her autistic son, Jonathan, since she began attending the parenting classes.
“I used to do everything for him,” she said. “Now I allow him to make more of his own choices. He can become his own little person.” A recent trip to a diner was breakthrough, she said, when Jonathan ordered his own meal.
Denise, meanwhile, came to the parenting classes at the suggestion of her husband, Edwin, who also attended. Their family had reached a point where the children knew she was the easy mark, while their father was the disciplinarian.
“We needed to find a middle ground,” Denise said.
One of the first sessions addressed that family dynamic. It was like the book the class was using had been written about them, they said. Through the class, Edwin has lightened up and Denise has gotten tougher. “Now they know not to try to play me anymore,” she said.
Hazel also has made great progress through the class. “Before, I didn't have any patience, I was on the edge of giving up,” she said. The sessions covered ways to discipline that would work better than spanking. “I have found a different approach rather than spanking, I basically think first than use the techniques and effective communication skills I learned in class,” said Helen. “Before, I'd tell her no TV for a week, but I only did it for a day or two,” said Helen. “Now I complete the punishment.”
For more information about how to start up an Effective Parenting Program at your agency, contact Karen Price at (973) 227-4458.
Subscribe to this comment's feed
