As you have no doubt heard by now, a recent poll indicated that 20% of Americans believe that Barack Obama is a Moslem. But buried within that poll and not as widely reported is an amazing fact - a larger number of Americans - 70% - believe that Obama is Jewish. Another 62% are not sure if Obama is an alien or a leprechaun. The remaining 2% are the usual nut contingent - they believe that Obama is a Christian. A further 40% can't do basic math, which is why the poll adds up to more than 100%.

Of course, the evidence that Obama is Jewish has been there all along. All you have to do is give up any trace of scientific or statistical wisdom and go on faith, suspicion and paranoia - in other words, good old American common sense.

 

So let's look hard at the evidence and use the same rigor and standards as our most prestigious American newspaper - the National Enquirer.

For one thing, he married a Jew. Fact - Michelle Obama is the first cousin of Capers Funnye, the head rabbi of the Beth Shalom congregation and member of the Chicago Board of Rabbis in Chicago, Illinois. Fact - the main people on his staff are Jewish. Fact - He is related to his cousin Dick Cheney, a former member of the board of advisors to the Jewish Institute for National Security Affairs. And he's a Democrat. With facts like these, who needs unsubstantiated rumors?

His detractors say he was born in Kenya. He says he was born in Hawaii. I think the evidence really shows he was born in Israel, specifically, in a suburb of Tel Aviv called Miami, Florida.

His last name betrays his heritage, being a contraction of OB-GYN and AMA (American Medical Association). Obviously, he comes from a family of Jewish doctors. Being of a rebellious nature, he rejected the family business and went into a non-Jewish profession - law.

It is warm and comforting to know we live in a country where we have freedom of religion, even though the words "freedom" and "religion" don't usually go hand in hand. Still, what could be more free than to have one's religion determined not by bloodlines, not by family connections, not even by choice, but by the fairest and wisest method of all - the opinion poll?

So, Baruch Chaim Obama, the jig is up. There's no more need to hide. Be proud to be America's third Jewish President, right after Abraham Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt, and America's second black president, right after Bill Clinton.

So don't believe that Islamist network Fox News or their Moslem reporter, Bill O'Reilly. What do you mean you didn't know he was a Muslim? Didn't you know that Fox's second largest shareholder, Prince Al Waleed bin Talei is a Muslim? I think we need to take a poll.

Marvin Wolf is a Newark consumer and bankruptcy law attorney who is a regular contributor to Local Talk. His articles provide legal information, news, delusional fantasies, satire and individual opinion, and not legal advice. Mr. Wolf can be contacted through his office at (973) 735-2740 or his website www.wolfprotect.com.