The American Psychological Association has published a study that shows that all female primates, including human females, are more sexually attracted to a man wearing red. Men wearing red are perceived to have higher status.

This new study joins others that have found that the more a woman drinks, the more sexual encounters she is likely to have, which I am sure comes as a surprise to everyone.

Also, a University of Illinois psychologist has determined we are more sexually attracted to people who look like our parents.

 

People with symmetrical faces are seen as more attractive than people with asymmetrical faces.

Dr. Laura Berman believes that smell plays a large part in sexual attraction.

A behavioral geneticist, Tamara Brown, who works for a dating agency, offers a DNA test for the degree of difference in immunity factors found in the human leukocyte antigen, which she says is inversely directly related to sexual compatibility. This can create problems because, apparently, when a woman is on the pill, she tends to choose a partner whose HLA profile is closer to her own rather than dissimilar. So, when she goes off the pill, the initial attraction can disappear.

The Psychology of Men and Masculinity Journal (yes, there is such a thing) found that women preferred macho and confident men.

Other studies show women prefer men with V-shapes, a lack of hair on the body, men who are taller than them, ratio of face length to width, and yes, how much money they have and sex organ size.

Women sometimes say they like a man who makes them laugh. But most stand-up comics don't do that well in the women department, so that can't be right.

The bottom line is most of these factors are genetic and men can't do anything about it.

Which brings me to the Old Spice guy, Isaiah Mustafa. For the reasons listed above, women tend to like the Old Spice guy.

On the other hand, you can wear Old Spice by the gallon but you still won't look like him. Look at him and look at you... and cry.

I think a lot of it, once you get past genetics, has to do with self esteem. Not yours, hers - as in does she think so little of herself she'll even let herself be seen with a dog like you? I remember there was a cable show where a so-called pick-up artist coached nerds on how to pick up women. The coach looked totally gay and was clearly a nerd in disguise. Part of his method was to insult the woman's beauty to make her insecure. That's not sexual attraction - that's sexual neurosis.

So when I see models or babes who marry ugly guys, I figure it's the HLA thing or the money because the rest of it doesn't fit. Paulina Porizkova's stick-thin butt-ugly husband, Ric Ocasek, Dita Von Teese's relationship with Marilyn Manson. Shannon Tweed with Gene "Chaim" Simmons. Maybe there's a rock star exception to that theory. Someone else suggested there's a perverse psychology at work - babes think ugly guys won't stray and will appreciate them more. But they are wrong. Looks are genetic, but most guys think essentially the same way. Also, in New York, the more handsome a guy looks, the more likely he is to be gay.

Is there any good news for guys? Well, the Old Spice guy - he's really into comic books and once won a game show because he knew Dr. Doom's first name. Sure, he played football, but he was a history major. In other words - nerd alert. Doesn't that help your self-esteem?

Or you can try wearing a red shirt and hope you don't get caught in an episode of Star Trek.

Marvin Wolf is a Newark consumer and bankruptcy law attorney who is a regular contributor to Local Talk. This article provides legal information and individual smart-ass opinion, but not legal advice. Mr. Wolf can be contacted through his office at (973) 735-2740 or his website www.wolfprotect.com.